


Textersations

by thehyperactivesammich



Series: Instrumentally Gifted [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe-Band, The Avengers as a Band!, Why Phil Coulson Doesn't Have a Life Outside Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-08
Updated: 2012-10-08
Packaged: 2017-11-15 21:49:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehyperactivesammich/pseuds/thehyperactivesammich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A glimpse into the inbox of Phil Coulson, manager of the Avengers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Textersations

**Author's Note:**

> Textersations is the first part of Instrumentally Gifted, an AU where the Avengers are a ten-piece, mix-and-match ensemble band. IG!verse contains several OCs with minor parts, and features various other Marvel characters ad rival bands. While there are no pairings in this piece, THERE WILL BE IN THE SERIES AS A WHOLE.

M Hill: we need new drumsticks

P Coulson: I bought new ones last week! What happened?

M Hill: thor happened

xxxxxxxxxx

P Coulson: Delivered a new pack of drumsticks to your house. Try not to break these ones in a week.

T Odinson; SON OF COUL YOU ARE MOST KIND I THANK THEE

P Coulson: Have Stark teach you how to turn off Caps Lock.

T Odinson: WHAT IS THIS CAPS LOCK YOU SPEAK OF

P Coulson: And how to use the symbols on your keyboard.

T Odinson: I AM MOST CONFUSED SON OF COUL

P Coulson: That, I already knew.

xxxxxxxxxx

J Foster: Have you seen today's tabloids yet?

P Coulson: No, should I be afraid?

J Foster: Yes. It's a PR nightmare. Remind me why I agreed to work with a group that has Tony Stark as one of its members?

P Coulson: Not again.

P Coulson: I don't get paid enough to deal with this shit.

xxxxxxxxxx

P Coulson: Stark I am going to kill you.

T Stark: The Stark isn't in right now, he's off living life and being a badass. Please don't leave a message after the beep. BEEP.

P Coulson: I hate you and I hate my life.

T Stark: You know you love me Supernanny.

xxxxxxxxxx 

D Lewis: MANAGER DUDE I need help i have no idea where i am right now

P Coulson: There's GPS in your phone.

D Lewis: really? whoa when did that happen?

P Coulson: Stark's birthday.

D Lewis: hahahaha that was a fun nite

xxxxxxxxxx 

S Rogers: [BLANK TEXT]

S Rogers: Coulsoniambeingstalkedhelpme

P Coulson: Didn't Stark teach you how to use your phone two weeks ago?

S Rogers: notimeforspaceshelpstheyareeverywhere- ebwjfnesobidjdb#8::282&$:@9@÷°×°¢√£π_]¢°|^•

P Coulson: Steve what's going on?

S Rogers: PHIL THEY'RE TOUCHING ME

P Coulson: Who's touching you?

S Rogers: adkjfhcnsofocbalrhfvjsjfh fan asfgh GIRLS

xxxxxxxxxx 

N Fury: I swear to god, if you don't get those rambunctious annoyances under control I will make sure you don't manage another band EVER AGAIN.

P Coulson: Duly noted Mr. Fury.

P Coulson: Although I worry Stark is going to force me into early retirement.

N Fury: I hope that never happens. How's the Sif & the Warriors 3 contract coming along?

P Coulson: Splendidly, although Thor seems to have developed a...kinship with them.

N Fury: Your problem not mine.

P Coulson: Of course sir.

xxxxxxxxxx 

P Coulson: Do you know where Laufeyson is?

C Barton: No of course not.

C Barton: Why would I?

C Barton: I didn't do it.

C Barton: Really.

C Barton: Honest.

C Barton: ITS ALL STARK'S FAULT!

P Coulson: What?

C Barton: ...You don't know?

C Barton: Oh.

C Barton: Nevermind

P Coulson: ...???

C Barton: I SAID NOTHING!!!!!!!!!

xxxxxxxxxx 

T Stark: You signed Johnny Storm?

P Coulson: Who?

T Stark: JOHNNY STORM. FANTASTIC FOUR'S BASSIST.

P Coulson: Ah yes. SHIELD signed them on, although their manager is Erik Echo. Not me.

T Stark: ...You live to see another day Coulson. Enjoy it.

xxxxxxxxxx

L Laufeyson: I DO WHAT I WANT!

P Coulson: Where THE FUCK ARE YOU?

L Laufeyson: KNEEL BEFORE ME. I SAID KNEEL!

P Coulson: Are you drunk again?

L Laufeyson: I HAVE AN ARMY!

P Coulson: That's it, I'm tracking your GPS.

P Coulson: What in Fury's name are you doing in GERMANY?

L Laufeyson: I REGRET NOTHING.

xxxxxxxxxx 

B Banner: Phil I need you to come get me.

P Coulson: Where are you, I'll send Happy.

B Banner: I'm at the police station.

P Coulson: ...On my way.

xxxxxxxxxx

P Coulson: Why are there knives in your locker?

N Romanoff: Oh, that's where I left them.

P Coulson: There are KNIVES in your LOCKER.

N Romanoff: So you've informed me.

N Romanoff: Thanks for finding them.

xxxxxxxxxx 

P Coulson: Sometimes I think you're the only sane one in the band.

P Potts: Sometimes? Don't you mean all the time?

P Coulson: Touchè.

xxxxxxxxxx 

P Coulson: Can I quit?

J Foster: No.

P Coulson: But I want to quit.

J Foster: No.

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted and cleaned up from my tumblr (thehyperactivesammich)


End file.
